Lord, I Need You

Over the past few years, and especially recently, I have been disappointed when I look at others' lives and see all that they have that I do not (darn Facebook!): new babies, children getting ready for their first day of school, happy husbands having a good time with the family, etc.  I think about friends I haven't seen in a long time and what I might contribute to our catch-up visit: "My husband left me for a man, so there went my marriage, and that "temporary" career path that was supposed to end in being a stay-at-home mom, it has become a full-time job, as a data analyst, no less (I was an English major!).  I have really come to like my job and my coworkers are fantastic, but this is so far from where I thought I'd be.  Then, just when you were having children, I found out I have breast cancer and a genetic mutation that greatly increases my risk for it to come back, and come back as other cancers, too.  Now I've had both my breasts removed and I'm waiting to hear what other treatment will be necessary." 

This is not actually what I would share if I should happen to run into a friend I haven't seen in a while.  It's too depressing.  But this is what I think about when I see happy families and friends I went to high school and college with having babies and sending kids off to high school already!  It makes me sad that my life is so different from what I thought it would be.

I would never want to trade the spiritual depth I have been given by walking through these trials, though.  They have drawn me so much closer to the Lord, as I come to know Him through sharing some of His suffering.  Below is today's devotion from Jesus Calling.  The message seemed tailor-made for me.

Come to me when you are weak and weary.  Rest snugly in my everlasting arms.  I do not despise your weakness, my child.  Actually, it draws me closer to you, because weakness stirs up my compassion - My yearning to help.  Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.

Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease.  Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy.  I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in my presence.  Accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant light.  Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow me to bless you richly through it.

So I say: "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:9-10).  May God be glorified in this life of mine and may He give me contentment in all things.