A Turn of Events

On November 26, we got the miraculous news that all 15 of my brain tumors had disappeared. Disappeared! (I thought I only had 13 tumors in my brain, but what do I know? They're gone, regardless!) What a joy to celebrate such incredible news during the Thanksgiving season! I've never really had such a response to treatment. Lots of women achieve NED, (No Evidence of Disease), but I never have. Even still, I wasn't yet at No Evidence of Disease, because the brain MRI only looked at my brain. I have cancer throughout the rest of my body as well - in my spine, ribs, pelvis, scapula, etc., and in my liver.

So I was excited and nervous to go to my CT scan yesterday. Everything had been stable in my bones and liver since I started Trodelvy in May 2023. While I had had to switch treatments recently, it was due to the new tumors found in my brain, not in the rest of my body. It seemed almost a given that my bones and liver would continue to hold steady.

My liver had other ideas. It is now covered in "innumerable" tumors. It is in such a state that my oncologist immediately canceled the treatment I was supposed to receive yesterday, ordered a new treatment plan, got my insurance's approval, and started me on the new chemo - all in one afternoon. So yesterday I received my first treatment of Gemzar, which I'll get along with the Avastin that seems to be working for my brain. This new drug will require me to go back on the two weeks on, one week off schedule, which is really disappointing. And we're just crushed that things have gotten so bad so fast.

A couple of years ago, I felt like God told me that His plan for me wasn't going to be physical healing in this life, that His plan was for me to walk with Him on a journey of faith (and He would supply the faith!), despite His seeming silence in answer to the multitude of prayers for healing that have been lifted up on my behalf. It has been my privilege to join in the fellowship of suffering with my Savior Jesus, whose prayers to have the cup of death pass from Him were also answered with a no. More than anything, I hope that I have walked and will continue to walk this road in His strength and for His glory. 

Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it... But even if He does not, we want you to know...that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Dan. 3:17-18). I believe God demonstrated His power to deliver me from the fiery furnace when He took away all my brain tumors (even ones I didn't know I had!). And yet with my CT scan, He reminds me that miraculous healing is not His plan for me. Again, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, I say He is able to deliver, but "even if He does not," I will continue to proclaim His goodness and faithfulness.

God has given me so many more years than we ever imagined back in 2015 when I first got this diagnosis - and that in itself is miraculous. He may give me many more still. Regardless, His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. All is grace.