There's a reason it's called a clinical TRIAL

I had my third vaccine today and also began the increased blood work.  I had to give blood at 8:30 this morning, 8:30 tonight, 8:30 tomorrow morning, and 8:30 Friday morning.  Then they'll take a bunch of blood the day of surgery and let me go free until August 17, when the process begins again. 

While I've posted about my arm soreness, itching and swelling, which has been quite bothersome, when the doctor and nurse practitioner saw my injection site reaction, they said it's the best one they've ever seen.  Seems like most people are having it much worse.  I feel so sorry for them!  Today I added a new side effect, though: flu-like symptoms.  I was also warned about these, but thought I might have escaped with just the site reaction.  Hopefully it's just a one-night thing and I'll be feeling good again tomorrow, but tonight I feel pretty lousy. 

You may question why I'm putting myself through more pain than is absolutely necessary.  Today I have questioned it, too.  But without people willing to participate in research, cures will not be found.  I'm a data analyst at a hospital.  I see data for unplanned patient events and know that we greatly wish we could eliminate these altogether.  I keep thinking that the answer is to try a potential solution and see if it works.  Some things just require trial and error.  If you never try, you'll never fail, but you'll also never succeed.  So I'm willing to be a test subject. 

I may not have much benefit from this clinical trial.  In fact, I may only experience the "trial" part of its name.  But someday this may lead to a more effective way to treat breast cancer, or to eliminate it altogether.  This is also important to me because we just found out my sister is also BRCA 2+.  Maybe some of the pain I'm going through now will result in a vaccine for her or earlier detection or better treatment.  And if not for her, maybe for my nieces, or your children. 

Life is bigger than just one person and our individual comfort.  Everything we do affects others, sometimes positively, sometimes negatively.  I choose to live my life so that it makes what I hope will be a positive effect on others.  This is one way I think I can do that.  Please don't think I'm preaching at you or judging the way you're living your life.  I think I'm writing this tonight to remind myself that the pain is worth it.  Even if this trial doesn't succeed, and I sure hope it does, like Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed.  I've just found 10,000 ways [or one] that won't work."  And that, in itself, is success.