Marked
Yesterday I went in for the planning session for my radiation. I didn’t really remember how this went last time, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Usually with the CT, you have to drink stuff, then wait an hour, then drink some more and wait 30 minutes, then go back to the machine and drink some more stuff there, and then get scanned, so it’s a really drawn-out process. With this scan, however, there was no drinking. I just changed into a gown and went straight back.
This time, they took a picture of my face as an added identification measure; I guess it’s pretty important not to give radiation to the wrong person! (although what does that say about the safety of getting it at all?) They have you lie down on the table kind of like this:
And they offer you a warm blanket (always say yes!). You settle back on a pillow that feels like a bean bag chair, which they mold around your head and arms, making sure you feel comfortable in a pose you’ll have to hold for around 30 minutes. Then they let the air out of the pillow and it becomes hard, holding you in your perfect position. This seems on par with freeze-dried ice cream – very space age!
Then they shifted me around a little here and there. I guess what felt straight to me was actually a little crooked and curvy, and radiation requires precision. I held this perfect pose while they put me through the CT machine, I held it while they came back and used a Sharpie to draw Xs and lines on my chest and under my arms, and I held it while they took pictures of my positioning so we can replicate it for my treatment.
Then they handed me an appointment card with next Thursday’s date on it and told me to make sure the Sharpie marks survive until then. They even suggested showering so that the water only hits the back half of me and not the front. They did cover the marks with some kind of tape, which will hopefully help preserve them, but I would have thought that, if we are inventive enough to come up with space-age pillows, we could figure out a better way to make sure important markings don’t wear off. Just sayin’.
With that, my part of the planning session was done and the radiation oncologists’ part was just beginning. They have to figure out how to administer the radiation without hitting the places that were previously radiated or other important places, like my lungs and heart. They seemed confident that it wasn’t even a difficult challenge for them. I’m sure glad some people understand this. It’s amazing.
Before I was called back to begin the session, my friend Lori and I read the day’s entry from Jesus Always, another book by the author of Jesus Calling. Once again, I was struck by a verse. It’s a verse I’ve heard many, many times and can even sing to you (thank you, GT and the Halo Express!), but there is one little word that has always slipped right past me before: “discouraged.” It says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:9).
I’ve always focused on the fear part – don’t be afraid, don’t be terrified, be strong and courageous – but we are also commanded not to be discouraged. I guess that is not to lose heart, not to lose faith, not to want to turn back or give up. God is with us! It reminds me of another verse that GT taught me: “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Heb. 12:1a). Keep on keeping on.
The Israelites in the Old Testament were given manna every morning. God gives us “our daily bread” - what we need when we need it. And He always shows up. He is always with us, “wherever we go.” You may think that you’d never be able to handle being diagnosed with cancer, losing a child, having your spouse cheat on you, or whatever your greatest fear is. But you have no idea the amount of grace God is going to give you to go through that thing you fear. Sure, right now you might not be able to, but you have no idea the “daily bread” He is going to give you at that moment.
I preach this message to myself. It’s hard to think about what the future might hold. When new pains arise, it’s easy to feel discouraged. But God has sustained me this far and He promises to sustain me “wherever I go.” I think I’ll put that verse on repeat in my head: Wherever you go, God will be with you. Do not be discouraged.
This time, they took a picture of my face as an added identification measure; I guess it’s pretty important not to give radiation to the wrong person! (although what does that say about the safety of getting it at all?) They have you lie down on the table kind of like this:
And they offer you a warm blanket (always say yes!). You settle back on a pillow that feels like a bean bag chair, which they mold around your head and arms, making sure you feel comfortable in a pose you’ll have to hold for around 30 minutes. Then they let the air out of the pillow and it becomes hard, holding you in your perfect position. This seems on par with freeze-dried ice cream – very space age!
Then they shifted me around a little here and there. I guess what felt straight to me was actually a little crooked and curvy, and radiation requires precision. I held this perfect pose while they put me through the CT machine, I held it while they came back and used a Sharpie to draw Xs and lines on my chest and under my arms, and I held it while they took pictures of my positioning so we can replicate it for my treatment.
With that, my part of the planning session was done and the radiation oncologists’ part was just beginning. They have to figure out how to administer the radiation without hitting the places that were previously radiated or other important places, like my lungs and heart. They seemed confident that it wasn’t even a difficult challenge for them. I’m sure glad some people understand this. It’s amazing.
Before I was called back to begin the session, my friend Lori and I read the day’s entry from Jesus Always, another book by the author of Jesus Calling. Once again, I was struck by a verse. It’s a verse I’ve heard many, many times and can even sing to you (thank you, GT and the Halo Express!), but there is one little word that has always slipped right past me before: “discouraged.” It says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:9).
I’ve always focused on the fear part – don’t be afraid, don’t be terrified, be strong and courageous – but we are also commanded not to be discouraged. I guess that is not to lose heart, not to lose faith, not to want to turn back or give up. God is with us! It reminds me of another verse that GT taught me: “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Heb. 12:1a). Keep on keeping on.
The Israelites in the Old Testament were given manna every morning. God gives us “our daily bread” - what we need when we need it. And He always shows up. He is always with us, “wherever we go.” You may think that you’d never be able to handle being diagnosed with cancer, losing a child, having your spouse cheat on you, or whatever your greatest fear is. But you have no idea the amount of grace God is going to give you to go through that thing you fear. Sure, right now you might not be able to, but you have no idea the “daily bread” He is going to give you at that moment.
I preach this message to myself. It’s hard to think about what the future might hold. When new pains arise, it’s easy to feel discouraged. But God has sustained me this far and He promises to sustain me “wherever I go.” I think I’ll put that verse on repeat in my head: Wherever you go, God will be with you. Do not be discouraged.
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