We Do Not Lose Heart

I am so thankful that the outer self is not all I have! If it were, the news I received yesterday afternoon would be much more discouraging. It turns out that Monday's scans show my cancer is on the prowl again. It's trying to infiltrate more of the vertebrae of my spine and lower back, with the tiniest precursor of something on one of my lungs. This isn't major progression, but it's enough that my oncologist thinks I need to switch to a new treatment (and today would have been my five-year anniversary of starting Ibrance - crazy timing).

I went into my appointment yesterday with so much peace and not a hint of worry or foreboding, unlike so many other times I've waited for scan results. This was an extra kindness because for once I was at my appointment alone. Because of COVID, only patients are allowed in, and it's been so hot and I felt so good that I didn't even ask Kevin to come and wait in the car. But God had prepared me beforehand. I had felt His reassurance. I knew He was with me in the exam room and that, unlike me or my oncologist, He knows all my days and seasons, and they are in His hands. 

Still, once I got into my car, I turned on those songs He had given me on Monday and cried and worshiped the whole way home. 

Woke up this morning And life as you know it

Looks nothing like the kind of life you knew before

All of a sudden Fear stole the headlines

And it don't feel safe to even step outside your door

In this world you will have trouble

But I have overcome the world

So take heart

Take a breath

Let Me lift that heavy weight up off your chest

Take My hand

I know it's looking dark

When the world falls all around you

I won't let you fall apart

Take heart

I hold your family, all your friends, and all your loved ones

And even when you're barely holding on

I'm holding you

(Matthew West)

I came to You with my heart in pieces

And found the God with healing in His hands

I turned to You, put everything behind me

And found the God who makes all things new

I looked to You, drowning in my questions

And found the God who holds all wisdom

And I trusted You and stepped out on the ocean

You caught my hand among the waves

'Cause You're the God of all my days

Each step I take

You make a way

And I will give You all my praise

My seasons change, You stay the same

You're the God of all my days

(Casting Crowns)

Slow down, take time

Breathe in, He said

He'd reveal what's to come

The thoughts in His mind

Always higher than mine

He'll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He's in the waiting

He's in the waiting

Hold onto your hope

As your triumph unfolds

He's never failing

He's never failing

(Kristene DiMarco)

Do you feel the world is broken? (We do)

Do you feel the shadows deepen? (We do)

But do you know that all the dark won't stop the light from getting through? (We do)

Do you wish that you could see it all made new? (We do)

(Andrew Peterson)

I know God is with me, that I can take courage, that my times are in His hands, that this world is broken but He is going to make all things new. And in the meantime, He's renewing my inner self, day by day.

I'm looking at a clinical trial for my next treatment and will post more details when I know the plan for sure.