Thoughts on a Scan Day

Today was scan day. It comes around every 3-4 months and, while the scan part is routine, the anxiety while waiting for results never is. I've been feeling extra anxiety for these results since, as I mentioned in my last post, I've had several friends in very similar situations who've had progression lately (progression means the cancer has started growing again and a change in treatment is necessary to contain it). But it feels like God has been caring for me extra tenderly this go-round. 

With scans on my mind and heart last week, I opened my daily devotional to read this:

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. The LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper: I will not fear. What can man do to me? Our sufficiency is from God. Do not lead us into temptation LORD, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps. My times are in Your hand. (from Exod. 33:14; Deut. 31:6, 8; Josh. 1:9; Prov. 3:6; Heb. 13:5-6; 2 Cor. 3:5; Matt. 6:13; Jer. 10:23; Ps. 31:15)

It couldn't have been more clear to me that this was a reassurance from God. Not that my results would be good, but that He would be good and with me no matter what. I started off my day today by re-reading that entry in addition to today's and felt calm heading in. 

I saw this on Instagram last night and it seemed like a post meant for me and these scans:

(If you can't read my screenshot view of it, it says, "What's coming will come, and we'll meet it when it does." Art by SweetSequels.)

After finishing my scans this morning, I drove to meet my friend Andrea for a late breakfast, as we like to do to break my fast after scans. Since I was only going a short way, I didn't start my audiobook but turned on the radio. It's rare that I have the radio on, both because I've only driven alone somewhere a handful of times since the pandemic started and because I'm usually listening to an audiobook or a podcast. One radio station was on a commercial, so I flipped it to the next one on my presets. A song I had never heard came on and these were the lyrics:

'Cause You're the God of all my days

Each step I take

You make a way

And I will give You all my praise

My seasons change, You stay the same

You're the God of all my days

(Casting Crowns, God of All my Days)

And this song (another one I hadn't heard before) by Matthew West was on in the store a little later as I ran in to do a quick errand:

Woke up this morning

And life as you know it

Looks nothing like the kind of life you knew before

All of a sudden

Fear stole the headlines

And it don't feel safe to even step outside your door

In this world you will have trouble

But I have overcome the world

So take heart

Take a breath

Let Me lift that heavy weight up off your chest

Take My hand

I know it's looking dark

When the world falls all around you

I won't let you fall apart

Take heart

Child, take heart

I don't know what my results will hold. I don't anticipate getting them until Thursday afternoon, but I have a lot of peace in the waiting this time. It doesn't really matter what my results say. God's going to be with me every single step of the way. He knows my seasons and days and my time is in His hands. He will not fail me or forsake me. I'm so thankful for all His reminders of that!