You Make Your Plans
One of my favorite quotes comes from the movie While You Were Sleeping. Sandra Bullock's character is reflecting back on her childhood with her father and says, "He would get these far-off looks in his eyes and he would say 'Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.' I just wish I'd realized at the time, he was talking about MY life." I don't know how many times I have quoted that line. It describes my life perfectly. While I didn't have many plans for my life growing up, I definitely didn't plan for the life I got.
Like I've said in previous posts. I was raised in a Christian home. I was also raised in the Christian subculture. We (the Christian subculture) had our own music, books, magazines, schools (or homeschool, for those who wanted to be completely set apart), even t-shirts. And when Veggie Tales and Touched by an Angel came out, we had our own TV, too (although my family had to rent episodes from the library because we didn't actually get television reception). For a while, my family even eschewed denominational churches and went to a home church (literally a gathering of a handful of families in someone's home).
My mom was a stay-at-home mom and, since my dad retired when I was 11, I kind of had a stay-at-home dad, too. Everyone I knew grew up, got married, had kids, and stayed home to raise them (or at least the moms did). Most of them also grew their own produce, baked their own bread, killed their own meat, and sewed their own clothes. While I knew, in theory, that I could be anything I wanted to be, it never even occurred to me that I might grow up and have a life different than this. I believed the simple, set apart life was the kind of life that God wanted for His people. For a while, I even dreamed of becoming Amish.
Note: I'm not trying to disparage my upbringing or anyone living a similar lifestyle. I only say these things because they explain my worldview and why I had a limited vision of what my future could/should hold.
I was the firstborn, organized, rule-follower type. On the first day of classes, I would take the syllabus the professor passed out and transfer every single assignment to my planner, so I could ensure everything was done well and on time. My first job was as a 14-year-old, working at the public library. They actually paid me to put books away in their proper places! Books! Order! What could be better? Nothing. If I didn't become Amish, maybe I could become an editor and correct people's grammar for a living!
I was bookish, enjoyed learning, and always gave every subject my all (think Rory Gilmore), so I did well in school. But, unlike Rory, I never had a Harvard poster on my bedroom wall. I knew that the other people in my AP classes were in those classes to get a head start on college, but I was just in them to learn, be challenged, and get the advanced diploma. Spending a bunch of money on a degree seemed like a waste for someone who was planning to be a stay-at-home mom.
But one does not simply become a stay-at-home mom. One needs a husband. Cue Liberty University (a Christian university - we have universities now, too!). They offered me a full scholarship and a massive amount of potential Christian husbands (because where better to find your spouse than at a Christian university?). Not being one to turn down anything free and loving the efficiency of getting my MRS degree while working on my BS degree, I went. After all, the chancellor all but promised "a ring by spring" and perhaps I could put what I learned in my degree program toward homeschooling my future kids.
This was back in the heyday of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. People were getting promise rings and vowing not even to kiss until their wedding days. We didn't go out on casual dates; you shouldn't go out with someone unless you could see yourself marrying him. In addition, Liberty prohibited girls in guys' dorms and vice versa, girls alone in cars with guys after dark, as well as any physical touch beyond hand holding. It was a uniquely challenging dating environment. Not to mention that I was shy and uncomfortable around guys.
While freshman year was successful on the BS front, the MRS front saw little to no action. But that was okay - Christian girls waited upon the Lord to provide and in the meantime were "dating Jesus" and working on sanctifying themselves so that they would be "worthy" to be gifted with a spouse. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was operating under the assumption that if I followed all the rules, God would do His part and reward me.
Sophomore year started out a bit more promising - I became a prayer leader in my dorm and began to be included in activities with our "brother dorm." At the very least, I was getting more exposure to guys than I had previously. Small progress. During the fall semester I was in choir with one of the guys from my brother dorm and, while we didn't talk, we did wave and smile when we saw each other. Then, in December, I happened to sit next to him at the Living Christmas Tree . We chatted and sang along to all the songs, even though they hadn't asked for audience participation. At some point during the night, he asked me if I wanted to go to a famous Christian band's concert that was coming to Liberty later in the week. I eagerly said yes, even though I wasn't sure if he was asking me to go to it alone with him or as part of a brother/sister dorm activity. (It ended up being a date.)
And that was all it took. We dated for about a year and got married about eight months after that, the summer before my senior year. I had earned my MRS even before my BS --> overachiever. My life plan, such as it was, was right on track.
Like I've said in previous posts. I was raised in a Christian home. I was also raised in the Christian subculture. We (the Christian subculture) had our own music, books, magazines, schools (or homeschool, for those who wanted to be completely set apart), even t-shirts. And when Veggie Tales and Touched by an Angel came out, we had our own TV, too (although my family had to rent episodes from the library because we didn't actually get television reception). For a while, my family even eschewed denominational churches and went to a home church (literally a gathering of a handful of families in someone's home).
My mom was a stay-at-home mom and, since my dad retired when I was 11, I kind of had a stay-at-home dad, too. Everyone I knew grew up, got married, had kids, and stayed home to raise them (or at least the moms did). Most of them also grew their own produce, baked their own bread, killed their own meat, and sewed their own clothes. While I knew, in theory, that I could be anything I wanted to be, it never even occurred to me that I might grow up and have a life different than this. I believed the simple, set apart life was the kind of life that God wanted for His people. For a while, I even dreamed of becoming Amish.
Note: I'm not trying to disparage my upbringing or anyone living a similar lifestyle. I only say these things because they explain my worldview and why I had a limited vision of what my future could/should hold.
I was the firstborn, organized, rule-follower type. On the first day of classes, I would take the syllabus the professor passed out and transfer every single assignment to my planner, so I could ensure everything was done well and on time. My first job was as a 14-year-old, working at the public library. They actually paid me to put books away in their proper places! Books! Order! What could be better? Nothing. If I didn't become Amish, maybe I could become an editor and correct people's grammar for a living!
I was bookish, enjoyed learning, and always gave every subject my all (think Rory Gilmore), so I did well in school. But, unlike Rory, I never had a Harvard poster on my bedroom wall. I knew that the other people in my AP classes were in those classes to get a head start on college, but I was just in them to learn, be challenged, and get the advanced diploma. Spending a bunch of money on a degree seemed like a waste for someone who was planning to be a stay-at-home mom.
But one does not simply become a stay-at-home mom. One needs a husband. Cue Liberty University (a Christian university - we have universities now, too!). They offered me a full scholarship and a massive amount of potential Christian husbands (because where better to find your spouse than at a Christian university?). Not being one to turn down anything free and loving the efficiency of getting my MRS degree while working on my BS degree, I went. After all, the chancellor all but promised "a ring by spring" and perhaps I could put what I learned in my degree program toward homeschooling my future kids.
This was back in the heyday of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. People were getting promise rings and vowing not even to kiss until their wedding days. We didn't go out on casual dates; you shouldn't go out with someone unless you could see yourself marrying him. In addition, Liberty prohibited girls in guys' dorms and vice versa, girls alone in cars with guys after dark, as well as any physical touch beyond hand holding. It was a uniquely challenging dating environment. Not to mention that I was shy and uncomfortable around guys.
While freshman year was successful on the BS front, the MRS front saw little to no action. But that was okay - Christian girls waited upon the Lord to provide and in the meantime were "dating Jesus" and working on sanctifying themselves so that they would be "worthy" to be gifted with a spouse. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was operating under the assumption that if I followed all the rules, God would do His part and reward me.
Sophomore year started out a bit more promising - I became a prayer leader in my dorm and began to be included in activities with our "brother dorm." At the very least, I was getting more exposure to guys than I had previously. Small progress. During the fall semester I was in choir with one of the guys from my brother dorm and, while we didn't talk, we did wave and smile when we saw each other. Then, in December, I happened to sit next to him at the Living Christmas Tree . We chatted and sang along to all the songs, even though they hadn't asked for audience participation. At some point during the night, he asked me if I wanted to go to a famous Christian band's concert that was coming to Liberty later in the week. I eagerly said yes, even though I wasn't sure if he was asking me to go to it alone with him or as part of a brother/sister dorm activity. (It ended up being a date.)
And that was all it took. We dated for about a year and got married about eight months after that, the summer before my senior year. I had earned my MRS even before my BS --> overachiever. My life plan, such as it was, was right on track.
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