This World or The Next

I want to start this post by saying that I absolutely believe that God can heal me if that is His will for me. He can and will do anything that is for our good and His glory. But I think a lot about Paul's words and they resonate with me:

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body (Phil. 1:20-24).

"To die is gain" - Who actually believes this? Who actually looks forward to death? Who can say with Paul, "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far"? Don't we all try everything we can think of to hang on to our lives here on earth? Don't we pray fervently for physical healing for ourselves and others? Yes, God can heal and sometimes works great miracles. But I wonder if the unintentional but implied message of those prayers is that we don't want to live with God? At least not yet - because our lives here are wonderful and we enjoy them - and we secretly think we won't actually enjoy heaven?

Sometimes, I am weary of this world. Tired of the pain and brokenness. And I desire to go to be with God where "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4). And yet I'm scared to tell anyone that's how I feel. I know they will think I'm depressed and/or suicidal. Or that I'm not believing that God can heal me. But when a much, much better world is promised, why would I yearn to stay in this one?

Don't get me wrong, I find a lot of beauty and joy in this amazing world God made. I have places I'd like to see before I die; I even have the book.  But as awe-inspiring as it is, this world is a shadow of what it once was. Sin entered and destroyed so much. There is cancer, poverty, mass shootings, racism, bullying, war. But God has promised a new heaven and a new earth, where He will walk with man face-to-face once again. The verses before and after the one I quoted above say this, “'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God' [...] And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' Also he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.' And he said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son'" (Rev. 21:3, 5-7).

So why should I be sad if I get to go to this place a little early? Why should I be scared to say, like Paul, that "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far"? At death, new life will begin. Our deaths in this life are really only "the shadow of death" (Ps. 23:4). They seem like death to us in our earthly bodies, but they are really just the passing from one place to the next. C.S. Lewis said, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." And one of my favorite quotes from his book, The Last Battle: "The things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

Of course, I will not try to hasten my death. I will walk with God while I'm here on earth and seek to do whatever He has laid out for me to do. I know He holds my life in His hands and I submit to His timeframe. But don't be sad for me if I die early. You can be sad for yourselves, when you miss me. I'd be hurt if you weren't sad! But don't be sad for me. I'm just going home.