Feeling Better!
For those of you who didn't get to see my Facebook status this morning, I'm feeling better! I woke up without nausea and made it through the day without any "as needed" meds. What a blessing to both my body and my spirit! This is such an encouragement. Even though I knew that there would be good days and bad days, I was starting to think that I would spend the entire next two months feeling completely horrible.
I'm actually thrilled to be able to say I am dreading only "two months" of feeling horrible, because I realized over the weekend that the drug used for my last four treatments doesn't cause nausea. Woohoo! All that holiday food might not go to waste after all. :)
Thanks for your prayers that got me through the weekend. Please keep them up, not just for my physical pain, but for the emotional pain of working through this diagnosis. I've been living with it for over three months now, but it seems like it's finally starting to sink in. Like I said to a friend today, "I think this week has been a wake-up call that I am actually sick. I am not pretending I have cancer to get out of work or to get attention. I really have it! I am one of those pitiful people who is going to wear a scarf to cover up my bald head and will have dark circles under my eyes from exhaustion. When people hear songs on the radio about cancer, they think of me and cry. My sister is running a breast cancer research 5K in my honor. These actions are SO touching, but it seems so unreal to be the one in need of them. I am the one who does for others, who puts aside my problems because others' are much worse. It is hard to see this new me. It is hard to be defined by things I didn't choose."
And yet I remember Christ - who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising its shame (Heb. 12:2). I don't have a choice in what I'm going through, but He did. He chose to suffer because of the far greater glory and joy it would bring, not just to Him but to us. And He has asked me to join Him in suffering. As Peter said, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" (1 Pet. 4:12-13).
So I suffer and I rejoice. At the same time.
This brings to mind words from a favorite book of mine, One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp: "'On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces...' (1 Cor. 11:23-24, emphasis added). Jesus, on the night before the driving hammer and iron piercing through ligament and sinew, receives what God offers as grace (charis), the germ of His thanksgiving (eucharistia)? Oh. Facing the abandonment of God Himself (does it get any worse that this?), Jesus offers thanksgiving for even that which will break Him and crush Him and wound Him and yield a bounty of joy (chara)."
Is my suffering too much to bear when compared with that? May I join Him in giving thanks, for all things.
I'm actually thrilled to be able to say I am dreading only "two months" of feeling horrible, because I realized over the weekend that the drug used for my last four treatments doesn't cause nausea. Woohoo! All that holiday food might not go to waste after all. :)
Thanks for your prayers that got me through the weekend. Please keep them up, not just for my physical pain, but for the emotional pain of working through this diagnosis. I've been living with it for over three months now, but it seems like it's finally starting to sink in. Like I said to a friend today, "I think this week has been a wake-up call that I am actually sick. I am not pretending I have cancer to get out of work or to get attention. I really have it! I am one of those pitiful people who is going to wear a scarf to cover up my bald head and will have dark circles under my eyes from exhaustion. When people hear songs on the radio about cancer, they think of me and cry. My sister is running a breast cancer research 5K in my honor. These actions are SO touching, but it seems so unreal to be the one in need of them. I am the one who does for others, who puts aside my problems because others' are much worse. It is hard to see this new me. It is hard to be defined by things I didn't choose."
And yet I remember Christ - who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising its shame (Heb. 12:2). I don't have a choice in what I'm going through, but He did. He chose to suffer because of the far greater glory and joy it would bring, not just to Him but to us. And He has asked me to join Him in suffering. As Peter said, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" (1 Pet. 4:12-13).
So I suffer and I rejoice. At the same time.
This brings to mind words from a favorite book of mine, One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp: "'On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces...' (1 Cor. 11:23-24, emphasis added). Jesus, on the night before the driving hammer and iron piercing through ligament and sinew, receives what God offers as grace (charis), the germ of His thanksgiving (eucharistia)? Oh. Facing the abandonment of God Himself (does it get any worse that this?), Jesus offers thanksgiving for even that which will break Him and crush Him and wound Him and yield a bounty of joy (chara)."
Is my suffering too much to bear when compared with that? May I join Him in giving thanks, for all things.
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