Life on Chemo
Several other cancer survivors had suggested that I keep a journal noting how I feel after chemo, so I can anticipate how I will feel with each subsequent treatment. The idea was that I could figure out which days would be good and which days I should just stay home. :) But my experience hasn't seemed to follow any pattern at all so far. The only pattern I see is that there is no pattern.
Here are some things I've observed in my chemo experience so far: Sometimes I feel up for eating anything - pizza, subs, salad - bring it on! Other times, I take one bite of something and can't stomach another. Some safe foods I've discovered are scrambled eggs, saltine crackers, baked sweet potatoes, and chicken broth with couscous. Starchy and bland seems to be a consistent winner. Sweet foods aren't as sweet and my two favorite beverages (Diet Coke and coffee) have no appeal now. Sometimes the smell of my hand sanitizer makes me completely nauseous; other times, I don't even notice the smell.
There are a few perks to being on chemo, and I don't want to fail to mention those. 1) No more shaving! For us girls, this part of hair loss is a definite plus. 2) Dry(er) skin. Some people get extremely dry skin while on chemo, but for me, it's just eliminated my normally shine-prone skin. 3) Extra sleep, since getting ready is so much faster! Not only because I don't have to shave, but also because I don't need to spend time fixing my hair. I can just pull on my wig and dash out the door. (Scarf days take slightly longer. I'm still working on getting the tying down.)
I had my second treatment on Friday. I expected to be holed up in the house all weekend, feeling lousy. Instead, I felt almost normal and enjoyed the Charlottesville Vegetarian Festival and a friend's wedding reception. (I did take a six-hour nap on Saturday, though.) While the weekend didn't seem to follow a pattern from my last treatment, I did end up feeling pretty awful again on Wednesday. Just like with my first treatment, I ended up needing a ride home from work because I was too sick to get there on my own.
It's hard to ask for help. I don't like inconveniencing people. I hate feeling sick and unable to do my normal activities. I like being self-sufficient and strong. But God delights in our weaknesses. Not because He enjoys seeing us suffer, but because it's an opportunity for Him to help us, for His power to be made known. The apostle Paul experienced this. We aren't told what it is, but Paul had some problem that he asked God to remove from his life. Here is what happened: "Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:8-10).
Should I boast about being sick or constantly talk about feeling terrible? I don't think so. But I don't want to cover up how I'm feeling and pretend it's all okay. Every day is a gift from God and the chance to rely more fully on Him is a blessing. These past few days have required a lot more grace and strength to get through. I get discouraged that I'm not functioning at 100% and start to think I will feel this way until Christmas. So when I write about God's grace being sufficient, and His strength being perfect for my weakness, it's a reminder to myself that this is true. God doesn't expect me to do it all alone and He isn't trying to see how much I'm capable of; He's giving me an opportunity to walk hand in hand with Him, leaning on Him for support.
Here are some things I've observed in my chemo experience so far: Sometimes I feel up for eating anything - pizza, subs, salad - bring it on! Other times, I take one bite of something and can't stomach another. Some safe foods I've discovered are scrambled eggs, saltine crackers, baked sweet potatoes, and chicken broth with couscous. Starchy and bland seems to be a consistent winner. Sweet foods aren't as sweet and my two favorite beverages (Diet Coke and coffee) have no appeal now. Sometimes the smell of my hand sanitizer makes me completely nauseous; other times, I don't even notice the smell.
There are a few perks to being on chemo, and I don't want to fail to mention those. 1) No more shaving! For us girls, this part of hair loss is a definite plus. 2) Dry(er) skin. Some people get extremely dry skin while on chemo, but for me, it's just eliminated my normally shine-prone skin. 3) Extra sleep, since getting ready is so much faster! Not only because I don't have to shave, but also because I don't need to spend time fixing my hair. I can just pull on my wig and dash out the door. (Scarf days take slightly longer. I'm still working on getting the tying down.)
I had my second treatment on Friday. I expected to be holed up in the house all weekend, feeling lousy. Instead, I felt almost normal and enjoyed the Charlottesville Vegetarian Festival and a friend's wedding reception. (I did take a six-hour nap on Saturday, though.) While the weekend didn't seem to follow a pattern from my last treatment, I did end up feeling pretty awful again on Wednesday. Just like with my first treatment, I ended up needing a ride home from work because I was too sick to get there on my own.
It's hard to ask for help. I don't like inconveniencing people. I hate feeling sick and unable to do my normal activities. I like being self-sufficient and strong. But God delights in our weaknesses. Not because He enjoys seeing us suffer, but because it's an opportunity for Him to help us, for His power to be made known. The apostle Paul experienced this. We aren't told what it is, but Paul had some problem that he asked God to remove from his life. Here is what happened: "Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:8-10).
Should I boast about being sick or constantly talk about feeling terrible? I don't think so. But I don't want to cover up how I'm feeling and pretend it's all okay. Every day is a gift from God and the chance to rely more fully on Him is a blessing. These past few days have required a lot more grace and strength to get through. I get discouraged that I'm not functioning at 100% and start to think I will feel this way until Christmas. So when I write about God's grace being sufficient, and His strength being perfect for my weakness, it's a reminder to myself that this is true. God doesn't expect me to do it all alone and He isn't trying to see how much I'm capable of; He's giving me an opportunity to walk hand in hand with Him, leaning on Him for support.
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