Scan Results

I have been trying for several days to come up with the right words to share the news I received on Tuesday. I don't know if it's hard to write because putting things in black and white makes them seem more real or if I just hate "letting you down" by not having something good to report. Either way, these words are hard to say: My treatment has stopped working and all the tumors in my liver are back. 

I had a sneaking suspicion they might be, since I've been having digestive issues similar to what I experienced last summer. At the time, the only explanation for the issues seemed to be that it was a side effect of my treatment. Now, a year later, on a different treatment, that didn't seem likely. Still, I had hoped for another explanation.

Every time a treatment fails, that's one more bridge that's burned. One step closer to having no treatment options left at all. But this time, I had choices. We spent several hours at the cancer center evaluating the four options my oncologist presented - two clinical trials and two drugs already on the market. Stage four cancer treatment requires some strategizing, as sometimes taking one drug can make you ineligible to try another one in the future. 

There were two choices that stood out to us - one is a clinical trial due to start at UVA in the next month or so, and the other is going back on a drug that is similar to Ibrance (Ibrance is the drug I took for the first five years of my MBC treatment). Research has shown that circling back to this class of drug is successful in some patients. This drug, Kisqali, is not chemo and taking it won't exclude me from eligibility to take any of the other three options in the future. It will also allow me to start a new treatment right away, rather than having to wait until the clinical trial at UVA starts in a month or so. 

After talking it through, it seemed clear to both Kevin and me that this was the best choice for me right now. Unfortunately, this drug only holds the cancer at bay for an average of five months. While we hope and pray I will get longer, we are also trying to prioritize making memories and doing things that bring joy. 

Every day, when things start to feel overwhelming, God shows up with a gentle whisper, reminding me that He is with me, my refuge and strength, holding onto me even if my grip gives way. He is faithful.