A Bodily Experience

I'm now three weeks into my clinical trial, and I thought it was time to update you on how it's going. For the most part, my three-week silence is proof of the old adage, "No news is good news." I've been twice to the cancer center for my day-long study visits, where they do the multiple EKGs and blood draws, and where I hang out all day in my heated, massaging recliner. I learned from my first hungry appointment and packed a lunch the second time, so the day passed pretty easily. I'll go again next week and then begin monthly visits. 

I haven't had any of the nausea and vomiting which are the most common side effects of this treatment, and I can't overstate how thankful I am for this! The only difference I've really felt is more fatigue, which has gotten even rougher this week. 

The timing of when to take this medicine requires more daily attention than my last treatment, so I find myself thinking more often about cancer and my latest progression. I'm also getting a lot more blood work done, which means discovering new things that might be out of whack and the resulting concern. 

A few days ago, as I was feeling particularly anxious about what's happening in my body, one of my exercise instructors shared a reading before class started. I don't remember the entirety of it, because there was one line about us being spiritual beings having a bodily experience that just knocked me over the head. I had heard the idea before, but it was exactly the reminder I needed in that moment. 

So what if my outer shell is breaking down or about to implode? What does that really matter to my soul, which will live on forever?  My metaphorical car might break down on the side of the road, but there's a new car coming, or I'll hitchhike, catch a train, or maybe even a flight. I'm going to keep on going forever. The end of my body isn't the end of ME.

And that thought quelled my anxieties. For now. Until the next time I forget and God reminds me. This world is not all there is. That puts everything into perspective.