"Pass the remote" and other wishes

If you are going to be diagnosed with a life-altering condition, I think you should subsequently be given a life remote control that allows you to hit pause for a little while.  A new diagnosis like this sets off a whirlwind of tests, doctor's appointments, treatments, and side effects, all of which come on top of your "regularly scheduled" life, which was, doubtless, already full.  Not to mention the mental adjustment something like this requires.  It's a lot to process and come to terms with.  So I wish I could hit my life pause button, take several deep breaths, and maybe a trip to the beach, and then return to my life.

This past week has been good in many ways.  I'm finally feeling like the learning curve I've been climbing at my new job is plateauing a bit and a bunch of things are starting to come together in an understandable picture in my mind.  I even earned my first work-related certification this week, which is a big deal!  But the weekends are only long enough to get my "regularly scheduled" life taken care of, not all of the new things that have cropped up post-diagnosis.  I start each new work week feeling only partially rested and ready for the week.  And during the week I'm often harried because I've had to miss work time to go to my doctor's appointments.  I am very, very thankful that I don't have to go without pay for the missing hours, thanks to generous donations of time off from my colleagues, but, unfortunately, the "time" they've donated doesn't actually give me any more hours in the day!  There are still people at work who are waiting on stuff that only I can do.  So I wish I could pause my life, rest, process, and get caught up, and then press play again.  But yes, I know - "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."

This past week was also difficult in a couple of ways.  First and foremost, my back pain is back.  It never fully went away after the radiation, but it was greatly reduced in intensity and also duration.  It was just a little niggle at the back of my mind.  But this past week it was back in a noticeable way.  Not back to the level that it was before radiation, but much worse than it had been, and enough to alter my choice of activities.  Maybe I was just feeling too good this past week and overdid things.  I really hope so.

I'm also dealing with the side effects of having my ovaries removed.  People have been complaining about the weather on Facebook recently, saying they need a coat in the morning and shorts by evening.  Yup, that is a total drag.  It is also my life.  Not just this past week.  The past two and a half months.  Thank God for sundresses!  What am I going to do when sweater weather is truly upon us?  Can I just say, Hot Flashes, that you would be much more appreciated if you would show up when I actually need you - like when the air conditioning at work is set at arctic temperatures?  Work with me a little!  I think these go away eventually, right?...