It Can Happen To You
Honestly, words fail me right now. I am literally sitting here shaking my head. I had just snuggled under the covers on this chilly, gray Sunday afternoon to finish up my October issue of Better Homes & Gardens when I was compelled to jump back out of bed and run downstairs to grab my laptop. I just had to express my feelings after reading their article, “What I Learned from Breast Cancer,” which features “five survivors touched by this disease at different ages and stages.”
It sounded interesting. And then I read the article. They profiled five women, all different ages and stages as promised, and not a single one was stage four. Not a single one! I can’t even believe it. Like I said earlier, I’m just sitting here shaking my head at this. I don’t think I'm an easily-provoked person. I tend to believe that most people mean well and aren’t out to get you. But I am livid that a publication this huge would leave stage four women out of this article. Of all people, we may have learned the most from breast cancer. It is still teaching us every day. And yet not one stage four patient was included in their article.
I think this omission perfectly illustrates how the stage four community is routinely made to feel – like we don’t even exist. I have friends who've been asked not to come back to support groups because their stage four diagnosis caused the other (early stage) members too much worry over their own fate. At one of my own speaking engagements, I was asked to tone down my story (which the facilitator hadn’t even read yet) because my stage four diagnosis “might be too sad” for some of the (early stage) support group participants.
But guess what? Sticking your head in the sand and pretending stage four doesn’t exist doesn’t change the fact that 30% of all patients diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer will go on to develop metastatic, stage four, terminal breast cancer. It doesn’t matter if it’s caught early. In fact, when I polled my metastatic Facebook group, the most common stage of diagnosis before metastasis was stage two! I was also stage two and had no lymph node involvement, typically considered a sign of good prognosis. I did all the treatments they recommended. Three and a half years later, while I was still on the treatment plan for stage two, I was diagnosed stage four. Not because we didn’t catch it early. Not because of what I ate or how much I exercised or what deodorant I wore or how much faith I had or didn’t have. It just happened.
Scary though it may be, that is the reality with breast cancer – it can come back at any time, even as many as 25 years or more after an early stage diagnosis. That is the breast cancer awareness that is needed now. Women with stage four aren’t just losers who didn’t do the recommended treatment or who failed to get yearly mammograms or who don’t care about their health and eat nothing but sugar. We’re women just like you. Who “fought” it, “survived” it, “beat” it, and were “cured.” Or maybe we didn’t even get that chance. Maybe we were stage four at our first diagnosis, like my friend who was diagnosed stage four at age 27.
Don’t hate us just because we just happened to be the unfortunate ones to find out that none of what we’ve been told about “early detection” and “surviving” is really true. No amount of pretending or ignoring or excluding those of us with stage four is going to change that fact. If you really wanted to ensure breast cancer never revisits you, you’d join your metastatic sisters in saying, “Don’t ignore stage four” and “Stage four needs more.” Because until there’s a cure for stage four, there’s no cure for any of us.
It sounded interesting. And then I read the article. They profiled five women, all different ages and stages as promised, and not a single one was stage four. Not a single one! I can’t even believe it. Like I said earlier, I’m just sitting here shaking my head at this. I don’t think I'm an easily-provoked person. I tend to believe that most people mean well and aren’t out to get you. But I am livid that a publication this huge would leave stage four women out of this article. Of all people, we may have learned the most from breast cancer. It is still teaching us every day. And yet not one stage four patient was included in their article.
I think this omission perfectly illustrates how the stage four community is routinely made to feel – like we don’t even exist. I have friends who've been asked not to come back to support groups because their stage four diagnosis caused the other (early stage) members too much worry over their own fate. At one of my own speaking engagements, I was asked to tone down my story (which the facilitator hadn’t even read yet) because my stage four diagnosis “might be too sad” for some of the (early stage) support group participants.
But guess what? Sticking your head in the sand and pretending stage four doesn’t exist doesn’t change the fact that 30% of all patients diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer will go on to develop metastatic, stage four, terminal breast cancer. It doesn’t matter if it’s caught early. In fact, when I polled my metastatic Facebook group, the most common stage of diagnosis before metastasis was stage two! I was also stage two and had no lymph node involvement, typically considered a sign of good prognosis. I did all the treatments they recommended. Three and a half years later, while I was still on the treatment plan for stage two, I was diagnosed stage four. Not because we didn’t catch it early. Not because of what I ate or how much I exercised or what deodorant I wore or how much faith I had or didn’t have. It just happened.
Scary though it may be, that is the reality with breast cancer – it can come back at any time, even as many as 25 years or more after an early stage diagnosis. That is the breast cancer awareness that is needed now. Women with stage four aren’t just losers who didn’t do the recommended treatment or who failed to get yearly mammograms or who don’t care about their health and eat nothing but sugar. We’re women just like you. Who “fought” it, “survived” it, “beat” it, and were “cured.” Or maybe we didn’t even get that chance. Maybe we were stage four at our first diagnosis, like my friend who was diagnosed stage four at age 27.
Don’t hate us just because we just happened to be the unfortunate ones to find out that none of what we’ve been told about “early detection” and “surviving” is really true. No amount of pretending or ignoring or excluding those of us with stage four is going to change that fact. If you really wanted to ensure breast cancer never revisits you, you’d join your metastatic sisters in saying, “Don’t ignore stage four” and “Stage four needs more.” Because until there’s a cure for stage four, there’s no cure for any of us.
Beautifully stated Katherine. I am sorry anyone with stage 4 would be made to feel alone or unable to share their story.
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