I hate cancer
Last July, my husband started his first job after finishing his degree. Because we knew I might have to go out on full-time disability, we carefully chose our health insurance plan to minimize our expense for my monthly oncologist visits, lab work, expensive drugs, and quarterly CT and bone scans, spending hours calculating and comparing plans. This was not my favorite way to be spending time. I hate thinking about money, not to mention doing endless math to make sure you don't end up bankrupt just because you have a horrible illness like cancer. It took us weeks and meetings with HR professionals to choose the best plan for us (and there were only two options to choose between!).
But here I sit today, spending my day reviewing health insurance plans all over again. A few weeks ago, my husband started a new job. We are thrilled, because he's no longer commuting 2.5 hours every day. But with this new job comes new health insurance. I have to do all the math again and try to figure out the terms of each policy, which are all different and never straightforward - and my decision could cost us thousands, if not tens of thousands, of dollars.
This makes me angry. I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to have to calculate my costs for insurance or worry desperately that my plan might not cover my drugs that cost over $25,000 per month without insurance and other financial assistance. I don't want to set aside money for expensive imaging, like my CT and bone scans. I never had to worry about this before. I've always been so healthy; never needed to go to the doctor's at all. I'm still so healthy. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. I don't go to a chiropractor. I don't have trouble sleeping or suffer from allergies. I just have cancer.
And because of that, I get the privilege of spending my time calculating insurance costs and spending my money at the cancer center, instead of someplace fun and of my choosing. You readers say you appreciate me "keeping it real" on this blog. So here is a real post - my ugly, resentful, disgruntled thoughts on real life with cancer, my jealousy of those of you who don't have to spend your time and money on these things.
I'll have a better outlook tomorrow. Today, to rip a line from an old country song, I just want to be mad for a while.
But here I sit today, spending my day reviewing health insurance plans all over again. A few weeks ago, my husband started a new job. We are thrilled, because he's no longer commuting 2.5 hours every day. But with this new job comes new health insurance. I have to do all the math again and try to figure out the terms of each policy, which are all different and never straightforward - and my decision could cost us thousands, if not tens of thousands, of dollars.
This makes me angry. I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to have to calculate my costs for insurance or worry desperately that my plan might not cover my drugs that cost over $25,000 per month without insurance and other financial assistance. I don't want to set aside money for expensive imaging, like my CT and bone scans. I never had to worry about this before. I've always been so healthy; never needed to go to the doctor's at all. I'm still so healthy. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. I don't go to a chiropractor. I don't have trouble sleeping or suffer from allergies. I just have cancer.
And because of that, I get the privilege of spending my time calculating insurance costs and spending my money at the cancer center, instead of someplace fun and of my choosing. You readers say you appreciate me "keeping it real" on this blog. So here is a real post - my ugly, resentful, disgruntled thoughts on real life with cancer, my jealousy of those of you who don't have to spend your time and money on these things.
I'll have a better outlook tomorrow. Today, to rip a line from an old country song, I just want to be mad for a while.
My heart goes out to you and I can empathize -- apart from the cancer. Yet our Father created time and one day it will be no more. Yay! Somehow, for the "time" being, He holds time in His hands and heart, along with you. Praying for you and a peaceful day.
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