The countdown on my blog is telling me it's been 18 days since my last chemo and I have yet to write an update for you. So sorry! I didn't feel like I could properly celebrate until I had gotten to the day when I would have had a chemo treatment (Dec. 30) and didn't have to go. Now that date has come and gone and I feel like I can start taking steps to resume my life.
I finally took four prescription nausea medications, one prescription anxiety medication, two over-the-counter antacids, Benadryl, dry mouth spray, antibiotic ointment, and Mary Kay extra emollient night cream - all treatments for various chemo side effects - upstairs to put away permanently in the medicine cabinet. I will no longer need them on a daily basis. I took down my "superhero" banner and reconciled myself to life as a mortal. I filed my medical bills and threw out all the surgery recovery instructions. I am ready to move on!
This coincides so well with the start of the new year. Along with 2011, I'm closing the books on cancer as well. I'm looking forward to 2012 as a year of healing and recovery, regaining ground I lost during six months of illness, and I'm ready to get started!
This is all pending doctor approval, of course, and I meet with the first of my three doctors tomorrow morning. Up first is the plastic surgeon, who will check to see if my incisions have healed enough to start expansion again. I don't currently have any open abscesses, but I'm not sure he'll think the skin is healed enough to put pressure on it yet. We'll see. Next week, I'll see my surgical oncologist to follow up on his part of my surgery - removing the cancer. I'm not sure there will be an update there, but he is also the doctor coordinating the clinical trial I've been part of and I'll submit another blood sample at this appointment. The week after that is a one-month post-chemo follow up with my medical oncologist, where I'm anticipating getting the prescription to start my five-year treatment of tamoxifen.
It is crazy to me that I had to write that last paragraph; I never would have guessed cancer would be part of the story of my life, especially at this age. Only God knows the end from the beginning and only He knows how this extremely difficult time in my life can result in good. I've been working on a puzzle over the holidays and as I examine each little piece and try to figure out where it goes, I am reminded of my life - how I look at things that happen to me and think they make no sense, or they don't fit with the life I think I should have. But just like the puzzle, maybe those things only make sense in the context of the whole. I see a piece, but God sees the whole. "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known" (1 Cor. 13:12). One day, the misshapen, ugly pieces of the puzzle that I've added over this past year will reveal a beautiful, completed puzzle that is the story of my life, lovingly written by my Father.
Here's to all the unknown pieces God will add in 2012! :)
I finally took four prescription nausea medications, one prescription anxiety medication, two over-the-counter antacids, Benadryl, dry mouth spray, antibiotic ointment, and Mary Kay extra emollient night cream - all treatments for various chemo side effects - upstairs to put away permanently in the medicine cabinet. I will no longer need them on a daily basis. I took down my "superhero" banner and reconciled myself to life as a mortal. I filed my medical bills and threw out all the surgery recovery instructions. I am ready to move on!
This is all pending doctor approval, of course, and I meet with the first of my three doctors tomorrow morning. Up first is the plastic surgeon, who will check to see if my incisions have healed enough to start expansion again. I don't currently have any open abscesses, but I'm not sure he'll think the skin is healed enough to put pressure on it yet. We'll see. Next week, I'll see my surgical oncologist to follow up on his part of my surgery - removing the cancer. I'm not sure there will be an update there, but he is also the doctor coordinating the clinical trial I've been part of and I'll submit another blood sample at this appointment. The week after that is a one-month post-chemo follow up with my medical oncologist, where I'm anticipating getting the prescription to start my five-year treatment of tamoxifen.
It is crazy to me that I had to write that last paragraph; I never would have guessed cancer would be part of the story of my life, especially at this age. Only God knows the end from the beginning and only He knows how this extremely difficult time in my life can result in good. I've been working on a puzzle over the holidays and as I examine each little piece and try to figure out where it goes, I am reminded of my life - how I look at things that happen to me and think they make no sense, or they don't fit with the life I think I should have. But just like the puzzle, maybe those things only make sense in the context of the whole. I see a piece, but God sees the whole. "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known" (1 Cor. 13:12). One day, the misshapen, ugly pieces of the puzzle that I've added over this past year will reveal a beautiful, completed puzzle that is the story of my life, lovingly written by my Father.
Here's to all the unknown pieces God will add in 2012! :)
"Only God knows the end from the beginning and only He knows how this extremely difficult time in my life can result in good." This is so true! I'm so happy to read this post and I hope your appointments all go well. Here's to 2012 -- a new beginning!
ReplyDeleteAmen!and Amen! Not only will it take time to learn the full extent of the good God intended this for in your life, but also in the lives of the many, many who have followed your blog and watched your life during this time. You have done an excellent job of sharing this experience with others, and so many have also been an encouragement to you as well. With love from MOM (I never figured out how to do this the right way :-)
ReplyDeleteKat, sharing in your joy that God has brought you through this and that you can start anew! You have been such a blessing and have truly glorified God through all of this.
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