He Will Fulfill His Purpose

You know how music stays with you, and when you hear a certain song, it takes you right back? That happened to me recently. I saw a movie whose soundtrack took me right back to the years between my early teens and 20s - songs I hadn't sung or thought about in a really long time. After the movie, feeling nostalgic, I pulled up some of the songs from the movie, and then down the rabbit hole I fell, unearthing song after song from those years.* 

Listening to those songs now, after 20 or more years have passed, I was struck by the lyrics. Every one of them talked about following Jesus with your whole life, surrendering to His plan, doing what He calls you to do. And I truly believed and meant every word I sang. That's when it began to dawn on me - God had answered and was answering every prayer I had made while singing those lyrics way back then. He didn't answer in the ways I had expected or imagined back then, but it's clear to me now that He has answered them.

Even as a child, I was earnest in my faith. I read my Bible every night, joined teen ministry teams, and went on summer mission trips. I sang I Have Decided to Follow Jesus, "no turning back," with passionate conviction. More than anything, I wanted to know God's will and purpose for my life and fulfill it. But it never seemed clear to me what that was. At various times, I surrendered to foreign missions and imagined my life as a pastor's wife.

I prayed that God would reveal His will for me and told Him repeatedly that if He would just write His plan for me in the sky or communicate it in any other way, I would do it. In college, I delayed and delayed declaring a major until, my senior year, I was forced to pick something or not graduate on time. I remember crying in a restaurant with my parents because I didn't know what God's will was for me, and I was so afraid I'd choose wrongly. What if I missed God's will for my life??

Even as an adult, I have countlessly questioned what my purpose is, especially as things I was expecting would be part of that purpose, like marriage and children, came and went or never came at all. Even my career didn't go the way I was expecting. Although I ended up deciding on English as my major, I never worked in that field. It wasn't by choice; I was never called back for any English-related positions I applied for (despite graduating at the top of my class). 

But a few years ago, after 15 years of work at many different jobs, I realized that each one of those jobs had brought me to where I was, happy and successful as a data analyst. Despite choosing an English degree, God orchestrated the events of my life to lead me to the work He had for me, as a woman whose colleagues affectionately called her Numbers Girl. It had never been up to me to find the one thing God wanted me to do with my life. 

It's been a long time since that job realization. I've been out of the workplace for nine years now, living with terminal cancer, and have wondered if God could have a purpose for me, even here. But gradually, over the past few years, God has given me the confident assurance that His purpose for me is to walk in faith through life and death with cancer, attesting to His faithfulness. And He's so graciously given me a gift of faith to do this. 

A few months ago, I came upon this verse: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands" (Ps. 138:8 ESV). "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me." My life is the work of His hands. Finding God's one mysterious plan for my life was never mine to do! It was the Lord's, and He will do it. My "work" is to seek His kingdom first in my life and to allow Him to make me more and more like Jesus.

Those songs I started this post with...When I listened to them again, I had the sudden realization that God has answered each prayer from the lyrics of those songs I had so earnestly sung in my youth. Lyrics that talk about surrendering my life to God's plan, wanting to please Him in everything I do, to bring Him glory, to go wherever He might send me, taking up my cross to follow Him in life or in death, the reassurance that His cross will never ask for more than I can give in His strength.

Or this longer refrain:

Yes, I believe in God

This I will say to you, mean it death or mean it life

I believe in God

So through the fire I'll be refined

And if that fire were to take this life, I'll be with Him forever

I will be with Him forever

You said, "If any man comes after Me

He must deny himself, take his cross

And follow after Me."

So here I come after You, knowing when my life I lose

You give Yours in return

You give Your new life in return.

I offered Him my life, and He is using it. It hasn't been in the way I expected; far from it. But in the loss of my first marriage, my ability to have children, early-stage cancer, terminal cancer, loss of my career, etc., I see how He has used and is using each of those things for my good, even making something beautiful out of them! He gave me a new husband. He gave me sponsored children all over the world. He has used my story to encourage others through public speaking. He is even using my English degree in writing this blog.

Nothing is wasted. He promises to work all things together for good. He doesn't promise that each element of our lives will be good, but that, in the end, we will see the beauty He has made from our broken pieces. It took trial after trial for me. Many tears. Anger. Physical pain. Grief and sadness. And my story isn't over. There is more of all of that to come, I'm sure. But now, by His grace and mercy (and sometimes through tears), I'm able to give thanks for the good work I see He's done. He even answers childhood prayers.

He will fulfill His purpose for me. And for you.

*Check out my teen playlist here: Kat's Teen Playlist