It Wasn't Supposed to Be This Way

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This line has been running through my head all week. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I’m the one with stage four cancer. I “took one for the team” - got cancer and, subsequently, uncovered the fact that our family carries the BRCA2 genetic mutation and is at much higher risk for certain cancers. I got cancer so that my brother and sister, who both carry the mutation, didn’t have to. I liked to think that I helped them stay cancer-free due to awareness of their risk, close monitoring, and preventative surgery. That’s what a big sister does – she leads the way, breaks in the parents, and watches out for her little brother and sister.

But danger was lurking somewhere else. When we found out I had the BRCA2 mutation, we knew it must have come from one of my parents. Turns out it was my dad. BRCA mutations aren’t as dangerous for men, although they do elevate the risk of certain cancers; it’s just not as much as in women. So him getting cancer wasn’t on my radar at all. A family shouldn’t have to deal with more than one member diagnosed with a terminal disease anyway.

And yet - on Thursday, we found out that my dad has stage four cancer in his lung. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was going to be the one to die first. There was, at least, that one mercy from being diagnosed with terminal cancer – I wouldn’t have to see my family get old and die. With Beth March, I would be “the one going ahead.” And I still may be. But I am stable, and my dad’s situation doesn’t look good.

He is currently in the hospital, recovering from the exploratory surgery that found the cancer and attempted to stop the fluid building up in his lung, at least for a while. We anxiously await the pathology results that will tell us the type of cancer and what the treatment options could be. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

And that is what God says every time He sees suffering in this world: “It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This isn’t how I created the world to be. This isn’t what I want for my children.” He grieves when we grieve, and He hates death even more than we do. So He sent His Son, the physical incarnation of God that we celebrate this time of year. He was sent to earth to live and die and defeat the power of death. Death is swallowed up in victory! And so we may walk through “the valley of the shadow of death,” but this death is just a shadow; it can’t kill us forever, for we will be raised with Him. We do not grieve as those who have no hope. And yet, we grieve. Will you pray for us?